Goodbyes Are Hard

Today I say goodbye to someone who might’ve been short, but held a big place in my heart.

Last Sunday, September 11th, my grandma left this world – called home by God to be with Him and all of her family that went before her.  It was also her 80th birthday.

I’ve lost people before over the years, but this one is hitting the hardest.  Not because she was my last living grandparent, but she was the grandparent I had the closest relationship with.  Of course I loved my Nanni and Poppy just as much, I just didn’t get to see them as often and they also were called home to God more than a few years ago.

It wasn’t a surprise when she passed, we knew it was coming sometime soon..  She had been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer almost two years ago and her health had drastically declined over the past few weeks… especially the week I was in Vermont.  But even though we knew it would happen soon, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt as much.

Work has been a good distraction from all of this.  I’m not constantly consumed with thinking of my grandma and how I won’t be talking to her anymore on my morning walks or seeing her, but I can’t say that I haven’t been in a daze this past week.  I’m functioning on autopilot most of the day and not really thinking much about anything.  Most of the time it doesn’t even feel like it really happened… then I remember it did and lose it.

Another way I’m trying to get through this is by thinking that she’s not suffering anymore.  It’s selfish to want her here if she’s going to be in pain and sick.  It just sucks that she couldn’t still be here with her full health.

I’m very thankful for the kind words I’ve received from family, friends and coworkers over the past week, as well as the prayers for comfort.

So I’m going to wrap this up (because I’m a wreck right now writing this).

I already miss you a lot Gramma, but I know you’re with the Lord and your family, and most of all you’re not suffering anymore.  I’m only going to say goodbye for now, because I will see you again someday in Heaven.  I love you.

– Tabitha (Jellybean)

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